The last day full day, a brief entry.

(no date in journal)

On our final full day here I realize I desire to learn, explore, and teach this work from many and for more reasons. I feel excited with inspiration to begin and make my plan work and play well together. I'm looking brightly ahead at the future with people and movement. A brief moment without fear Ah!

Tommorrows entry sums up my experience, fully.

Thanks for checking in!

Jill

As I read through these journal entries I am so reminded of who I was at that time in my life and my career. I was single with no children, a very driven aerobic instructor teaching 8 classes a week and training 30 clients a week. I was taking Pilates before anyone could even pronounce it. I was diving deeper into my body awareness taking a "Becoming Embodied" class that incorporated Bartinieff Fundamentals (patterning). I was giving workshops on the core of our body, alignment, and stability, too. I had just returned from teaching at a fitness convention in Brazil. Kari Anderson-- my mentor and a leader in the fitness industry-- and I had just completed a sold-out workshop where I presented my "Torso Organization- A Unique Approach to Conditioning the Core". I was training clients with medicine balls, pilates rings and wobble boards and people thought I was nuts..in a good way. I'm not shy to say I was the "go-to-cutting-edge trainer". And I knew it. I share this with you as a backdrop for this next entry.

Thursday Dec. 4th, 1996

Am I ready to be a student again. Am I willing to open to the experience of learning this new technique? It is scary, uncharted territory. I recognize how reliant I am on being the expert. The person who knows. Can i find my self-esteem in saying "I don't know, I am learning". My world seems to be surrounded with me giving out advice and knowledge. Yet, I am moving into a new arena where I know enough to know I'm interested but not enough to feel secure. I'm struggling with this profession of being the consultant. It is time to give the power back to the individuals who seek it from me. I can help them realize their available choices but I can not make the choice. What a fine line in this business of being an educator to the human body.

 "Day ? 4, I think, it's Wed. anyway" This is how I start my journal for the middle of the week at my first Nia White Belt Intensive in 1996. Over the course of many intensives (6 total) I've come to notice Wednesday as being the day when I really get hooked in. I begin to rest into the new routine and the new lessons. My mind begins to let go of what I thought and become more pliable. It seems to be the case, even in 1996! :)

Well after 3 class I woke up feeling pretty darn good. No part of me is extremely sore yet I do feel like I've moved and it's been good. The bottom of my feet are torn a bit. A little sore on the skin and the muscles in them. Ah, I took a deep breath and felt soreness in my abs and intercostals--a part I'm not too familiar with, also feels good. Today I'm going to open myself to non-judgement b/c I am truly exhausted by it. I will let myself notice it and ask myself "why am I feeling it and what am I aftraid of ?" I will do my best to not judge myself for judging others. Instead I will love myself that way and realize it is all about fear. I will try and support others versus compete against them. I think it will feel good.

The real fun starts in tommorrow's journal when I face down my fear of no longer being an expert. Thanks for reading. It's a pleasure for me to reminisce with you.

Love,

Jill

It's day three of my journal entries describing my White Belt Intensive experience from back in 1996. As I read over the journal, memories creep back in and I get flashes of what I was wearing, how I was coping, and how new all "this Nia thing" felt. By Day 3, it appears I'm really getting the "intensive" part.

December 3, 1996  Day Three:

Intensive is the right word for this week and learning session. Yesterday we learned a lot and moved a lot. By the time class came (at night) I barely had it in me. I also needed to hold back because my feet were sore after all we have done. I was disappointed becaused I wanted to feel like I could get this great--replace aerobics- type of workout and it didn't happen. Yet others were sweating. I'm not sure if I was trying to not get a workout or just needed to respect my body's aches. One thing I do know, I was really trying to do things right which I know inhibits my sense of moving. So I'm still noticing my sense of judgement that seems to follow me everywhere. I have had some good moments of ah, no judgement..pure bliss. Those have felt good. I have enjoyed the art of listening to the music. Really listening and experiencing feelings from it. Yet is is possible that some music leaves you empty? That's what the music during class did for me. A lot of music I really didn't connect with.

Day Two of the Nia White Belt Intensive from 1996, I write a short entry (the entries get noticeable longer and more intense as the week goes):

Day 2- Learning about my feet today. And the rest of my lower body. I really want to use my feet more and especially work out the bunion in my right toe. I also love the idea of reeducating my walk and knowing that as I do that my body will begin to shift and follow. I am afraid without aerobics, what my body will turn in to.

Till tommorrow, Day three when I become aware of my mind chatter and have a very tired body.

Thanks for reading,

Jill